The world of pop culture has long been marked by unforgettable feuds, and the Kevin Costner and Madonna backstage feud incident offers a glimpse into one of Hollywood’s most tension-filled backstage moments, which played out in the early 1990s and resurfaced years later. This notorious encounter, featured in Madonna’s documentary “Truth or Dare,” set the stage for years of speculation and exposed the challenges of navigating celebrity dynamics under the public eye.
The Backstage Clash Between Kevin Costner and Madonna
In a moment captured on film during her 1991 documentary “Truth or Dare,” Madonna’s relationship with Hollywood actor Kevin Costner took an unexpected turn. After Costner visited Madonna backstage following a concert and complimented her by calling the show “neat,” the pop icon reacted coolly to his praise. Once Costner left, Madonna was seen making a gagging gesture and remarked backstage,
“Anybody who says my show is neat has to go.”
Years later, Kevin Costner reflected on how the incident left him feeling embarrassed and hurt. He explained,
“I just went back there because I was asked to go back. And I found the best word that I could. I never called her on it or whatever.”
—Kevin Costner, Actor
This brief but biting exchange became a symbol of Madonna’s divisive presence among fellow celebrities, reverberating throughout entertainment headlines and cementing the incident in pop culture history.
Madonna’s Apology and the Effect on Costner
The feud between the two stars simmered for years, sparking media coverage and public curiosity. However, a surprising moment of reconciliation eventually took place. According to Costner’s own account, years after the infamous gesture, Madonna chose a concert stage as the setting for a sincere, public apology. Costner recalled,
“And about the third song in, the lights were down, and she said, ‘I want to apologize to someone.’ And all of a sudden, my face starts to get hot. She says, ‘I want to apologize to Kevin Costner.’ She just said it very simply. Ninety-eight percent of that audience didn’t know what she was talking about. But I really respected that, and it showed me the power of just keeping your own counsel for a long time.”
—Kevin Costner, Actor
Costner publicly admitted that he never sent Madonna a direct thank-you for her apology, though he appreciated it profoundly. This act of contrition closed a chapter that had begun with what seemed a casual comment but had evolved into a recurring talking point among the stars and their fans.
Madonna’s Web of Celebrity Disputes
The Kevin Costner and Madonna backstage feud incident is only one entry in a pattern of high-profile disagreements involving Madonna, whose career is as storied for her musical achievements as for her turbulent relationships with peers.
Throughout her decades in the spotlight, Madonna has clashed with an array of other high-profile celebrities, creating a litany of heated, sometimes very public, disputes. These feuds have involved not just actors like Costner, but also musicians and industry figures, often originating from comments taken as slights, artistic criticism, or differences in temperament. From the notorious barbs exchanged with other pop icons to moments of awkward confrontations, Madonna’s career has been marked by a pattern of falling out and, on rare occasions, mending fences.
Prince: A Brief Duet and Lingering Rivalry
In the mid-1980s, Prince and Madonna briefly dated and collaborated on the duet “Love Song.” But the rapport didn’t last, with Madonna publicly describing Prince as a “little troll” and sharing,
“He was just sipping tea, very daintily. I have this theory about people who don’t eat. They annoy me.”
—Madonna, Singer
Prince, for his part, didn’t shy away from throwing shade in return. During a 2007 concert he jested about their respective successes, fueling the narrative of mutual disdain. The pair managed to call a truce in 2011 when Madonna appeared onstage at Prince’s Madison Square Garden concert, signaling a rare resolve to their long-standing rivalry.
Gwen Stefani: Accusations of Imitation and Deflection
Early in her career, Gwen Stefani was often compared to Madonna, a parallel Stefani herself found uncomfortable. The situation escalated when Madonna directly accused her of copying, stating,
“She ripped me off. We work with a lot of the same people. She married a Brit, she’s got long hair and she likes fashion.”
—Madonna, Singer
Stefani responded with a level head, saying,
“Some people say that I copy her. But show me one girl my age who was not influenced by her.”
—Gwen Stefani, Singer
Despite Madonna’s blunt allegations, Stefani’s career continued unimpeded, and she soon found herself invited—though ultimately not featured—in one of Madonna’s landmark MTV VMA performances.
Patti LuPone: The Broadway Star’s Blunt Assessments
Patti LuPone, Broadway legend and the original “Evita,” was outspoken in her criticism of Madonna’s performance in the film adaptation. She told Andy Cohen,
“Madonna is a movie killer. She’s dead behind the eyes. She cannot act her way out of a paper bag. She should not be on – in film or onstage.”
—Patti LuPone, Performer
Their only significant interaction ended humorously, with Madonna allegedly telling LuPone, “I’m taller than you. Bada-bing.” —Patti LuPone, Performer
50 Cent: Social Media Barbs and Repeated Apologies
Madonna’s complex relationship with rapper 50 Cent played out across social platforms. After he mocked her online, Madonna called him out with a pointed rebuke:
“Here is 50 Cent pretending to be my friend. Now you have decided to talk smack about me. I guess your new career is getting attention by trying to humiliate others on social media. The least elevated choice you could make as an artist and an adult.”
—Madonna, Singer
50 Cent issued an apology for his earlier comments:
“Ok I’m sorry I did not intend to hurt your feelings. I don’t benefit from this in any way. I said what I thought when I saw the picture because of where I had seen it before. I hope you accept my apology.”
—50 Cent, Rapper
Yet, the tension reignited when 50 Cent continued to make controversial remarks about Madonna’s appearance during later performances.
Mark Wahlberg: Insults, Physical Altercations, and Police Involvement
Mark Wahlberg, formerly known as Marky Mark, had a volatile run-in with Madonna and her team in the early 1990s. Wahlberg recounted,
“[Madonna] called the f**king cops on me. Told everybody this bulls story that I was doing sh*t that I wasn’t.”
—Mark Wahlberg, Actor
The dispute included alleged insults and an altercation at a club that drew police attention, adding Wahlberg’s name to the list of stars who have feuded with the Queen of Pop.
Sinead O’Connor: Artistic Differences and Personal Insults
The late Sinead O’Connor, known for her own controversies, found herself on the receiving end of Madonna’s criticism after her infamous SNL performance. Madonna remarked,
“I think there’s a better way to present her ideas rather than ripping up an image that means a lot to other people.”
—Madonna, Singer
O’Connor claimed the conflict predated the SNL incident and accused Madonna of personal jibes, saying,
“Madonna is probably the hugest role model for women in America. There’s a woman who people look up to as being a woman who campaigns for women’s rights. A woman who, in an abusive way toward me, said that I look like I had a run-in with a lawnmower and that I was about as sexy as a Venetian blind.”
—Sinead O’Connor, Musician
She added,
“Now there’s the woman that America looks up to as being a campaigner for women, slagging off another woman for not being sexy.”
—Sinead O’Connor, Musician
Courtney Love: On-Stage Drama and Lingering Bad Blood
Courtney Love and Madonna’s 1995 MTV Video Music Awards incident became instant tabloid fodder when Love interrupted Madonna’s interview with thrown make-up compacts. Madonna dryly observed,
“Courtney Love’s in dire need of attention right now.”
—Madonna, Singer
The two exchanged accusations of meanness, with Madonna asserting,
“I haven’t been mean to anybody, I never said anything bad about you.”
—Madonna, Singer
Even decades later, Love confirmed that nothing had changed, remarking,
“I don’t like her and she doesn’t like me. I loved Desperately Seeking Susan, but for the city of New York as much as her.”
—Courtney Love, Musician
Mariah Carey: Mutual Misgivings and Public Slights
Madonna and Mariah Carey’s relationship has long been frosty, especially after Madonna said,
“I think she’s a very talented singer – but we have to realize that the same country that acquitted O.J. is the same country that makes a complete piece of sh*t movie number one, that buys Mariah Carey records. It’s this homogeneity. But it’s got nothing to do with art.”
—Madonna, Singer
Carey, for her part, brushed off the feud:
“I really haven’t paid attention to Madonna since I was in like, seventh or eighth grade when she used to be popular, so I didn’t hear that.”
—Mariah Carey, Singer
Janet Jackson: Competition for the Queen of Pop Title
Janet Jackson and Madonna’s rivalry, rooted in competing for pop supremacy, surfaced in subtle digs. Jackson remarked on their musical similarities but tried to distinguish herself, saying,
“It’s dance music, I’ll say that, which is very similar. I think… How do I put this? I think what I do has class to it. I’ll say that.”
—Janet Jackson, Singer
Madonna, in turn, delivered her own pointed comments about Jackson’s career choices and performances, continuing the undercurrent of competition between them.
Elton John: Verbal Sparring and Eventual Reconciliation
Elton John did not mince words when he criticized Madonna’s musical contributions. At one point, he fired,
“Madonna, best live act? F*** off. Since when has lip-syncing been live? Anyone who lip-syncs in public on stage when you pay 75 pounds to see them should be shot.”
—Elton John, Singer-Songwriter
Even David Furnish, John’s husband, joined in after Madonna won Best Original Song at the Golden Globes, commenting,
“Madonna winning Best Original Song truly shows how these awards have nothing to do with merit. Her acceptance speech was embarrassing in its narcissism.”
—David Furnish, Filmmaker
John later made efforts to apologize and explained,
“I was in a restaurant in the south of France a couple of years ago and she walked in so I sent her a note saying, ‘You’ll probably never speak to me again but I am really sorry and ashamed of myself and can I buy you dinner.’ She was very gracious and accepted and we talked. We are fine—it was just me and my big mouth.”
—Elton John, Singer-Songwriter
He expanded on his position,
“I think it’s just wrong — an established artist shouldn’t kick down a younger artist right at the start of their career.”
—Elton John, Singer-Songwriter
Madonna herself commented on their reconciliation,
“We finally buried the hatchet. I went to see Elton John perform on SNL this weekend!! WOW.”
—Madonna, Singer
Cher: Shifting Opinions and Sharp Critiques
Cher’s relationship with Madonna was marked by both high praise and strong criticism. In a candid interview, Cher recounted one particularly awkward encounter, stating,
“I remember having her over to my house a couple of times, because [Sean Penn] and I were friends, and she just was so rude to everybody. She acts like a spoiled brat all the time. And it seems to me when you reach the kind of acclaim that she’s reached — and you can do whatever you want to do — you should be a little bit more magnanimous, and little bit less of a c**t.”
—Cher, Singer and Actress
In an exchange with Terry Wogan, Cher responded wryly to a question about Madonna,
“Do you mean like my best friend Madonna?”
—Cher, Singer and Actress
Cher offered further critique:
“She’s unbelievably creative because she’s not unbelievably talented, she’s not beautiful, but she’s kind of—she’s rude…”
—Cher, Singer and Actress
Despite their rocky history, Cher asserted that she did not bear lasting ill will toward Madonna, occasionally poking fun at their shared past.
Gwyneth Paltrow: Friendships Gone Cold
One of Madonna’s more private disputes emerged with actress Gwyneth Paltrow. Formerly close while living in the U.K., the two reportedly fell out after Madonna separated from Guy Ritchie. Paltrow discussed the fallout without revealing details:
“I can be mean. I can cave in to gossip. I can ice people out and I can definitely harbor revenge. In fact, I’m having a situation right now with a friend where I’m feeling pretty angry. But revenge is corrosive and it doesn’t make me feel good.”
—Gwyneth Paltrow, Actress
She also addressed rumors related to their shared trainer, Tracy Anderson:
“It’s good that [Anderson] doesn’t train Madonna anymore. It was too much. She keeps people waiting—it takes up your whole day.”
—Gwyneth Paltrow, Actress
Though other sources claimed Madonna mistreated Paltrow, Madonna’s spokesperson insisted,
“There has been no falling out between the two.”
—Madonna Spokesperson
Lady Gaga: Musical Tensions and Generational Rivalry
The rivalry between Madonna and Lady Gaga, fueled by allegations of musical plagiarism and cultural succession, has been ongoing for over a decade. Madonna described Gaga’s hit “Born This Way” as “reductive” in comparison to her own “Express Yourself,” and in public performances mashed up both songs to reinforce the charge of similarity.
Gaga addressed the controversy directly:
“Madonna and I are very different… I wouldn’t make that comparison at all. I don’t mean to disrespect Madonna… But I play a lot of instruments. I write all my own music. I spend hours and hours a day in the studio. I’m a producer. I’m a writer… What I do is different.”
—Lady Gaga, Singer
She also stated,
“I’m not just rehearsing over and over again to put on a show. There is a spontaneity to my work. I allow myself to fail. I allow myself to break. I’m not afraid of my flaws… I just will not be compared to anyone anymore, I am who the f**k I am and this is me.”
—Lady Gaga, Singer
In her 2017 documentary, Gaga revealed frustration that Madonna never addressed their issues face-to-face:
“The only thing that really bothers me about her is that I’m Italian and from New York, you know. So, like, if I’ve got a problem with somebody I’m gonna f—ing tell you to your face. But, no matter how much respect I have for her as a performer, I could never wrap my head around the fact that she wouldn’t look me in the eye and tell me that I was reductive or whatever.”
—Lady Gaga, Singer
When Madonna accused Gaga of copying a now-famous quote used during “A Star Is Born” promotion, the conflict was revived yet again. Nonetheless, the two appeared to reconcile at the 2019 Oscars afterparty.
Pink: Childhood Admiration to Mutual Disdain
Pink’s childhood admiration for Madonna turned into disappointment as she recounted on The Howard Stern Show,
“Some people just don’t like me. I’m a polarizing individual.”
—Pink, Singer
She went deeper into their backstage interaction,
“She is… man… F**k I loved her.”
—Pink, Singer
Describing the root of the issue, Pink stated,
“She tried to kind of play me on Regis And Kelly and I’m not the one so. I didn’t work out.”
—Pink, Singer
She elaborated on the misconstrued encounter,
“She was such an inspiration to me, but it sort of got twisted around that I was like fangirling and was dying to meet Madonna, when in actuality she invited me into her dressing room. And so, I just said a joke when Regis brought me out and said, ‘I heard you were just falling over yourself backstage [at a Madonna show]. How does it feel?’ I’m like, ‘I thought she wanted to meet me.’ It didn’t work out for us.”
—Pink, Singer
Though the interaction was brief, it set the tone for a lasting mutual coolness. Madonna has not publicly addressed this particular feud.
The Enduring Impact and Legacy of Celebrity Feuds
The Kevin Costner and Madonna backstage feud incident is emblematic of the difficulties celebrities face when mixing personalities, egos, and public perception. While some feuds ended in public apologies or uneasy truces, the effect of these squabbles lingers in pop culture, often shaping the public’s perception of the artists involved. These persistent tensions reveal not just personal histories, but also how fame magnifies the consequences of seemingly small encounters. As Madonna continues to be both lauded for her artistic influence and questioned for her confrontational style, the stories she shares with fellow celebrities like Kevin Costner remain a fascinating look at the complexities of stardom.
From surprise apologies on stage to years-long misunderstandings, these celebrity incidents continue to show that even the smallest moments can leave lasting echoes in the entertainment world. Whether or not true reconciliation is achieved, the narrative surrounding the Kevin Costner and Madonna backstage feud incident stands as a lesson in humility, the power of public gestures, and the unpredictable journey of show business relationships.
