Ben Stiller is reflecting on his experiences as a father in a new AppleTV documentary centered on his parents, Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara. The film, which spans the 61-year marriage of the famous comedy duo, explores their professional partnership, personal relationship, and how they managed parenthood with Ben and his sister Amy.
At 59, Stiller also uses the documentary to openly examine his own challenges in fatherhood and marriage, acknowledging regrets about being an absent figure to his two children, Ella, 23, and Quin, 20, amid the complexities of his career and family life.
Ben Reflects on Childhood Absences Caused by His Parents’ Careers
Growing up, Ben recalls that his parents’ demanding careers meant they were often away late at night or traveling between New York and Los Angeles. This lifestyle profoundly affected him and Amy, as the siblings experienced long stretches without their parents present.
“I just remember missing them terribly,”
Ben shared, adding that when they returned home, he and Amy would perform plays like Jesus Christ Superstar in their living room to reconnect.
He admits that despite this, he believes he may have fallen short more as a father to his own children than his parents did with him and Amy.
Children’s Perspective: Feeling Their Father Was Rarely Present
In the documentary, Ben speaks candidly with his son Quin and reveals a heartfelt moment when his daughter Ella told him,
“I literally can’t ever remember you being around when I was growing up.”
Quin agrees that there were times when Ben’s role as a father didn’t seem like a priority. He explains how after difficult days, his dad would withdraw into his thoughts, making it hard to enjoy family moments, especially during vacations.
Quin described the struggle, saying,
“You have all these hats that you’re trying to balance, you know? Being a director, an actor, a producer, a writer. But also just, like, a father. And sometimes, I felt that would come last to these other things.”
Regret Over Excluding Daughter Ella from a Film Role
Ben reflects on a painful decision in his career, admitting to his daughter that he regretted cutting her role from the 2013 film The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. He called it
“probably the worst decision I’ve ever made in my life,”
complimenting her by saying, “You were so cute.”
Ella, however, understood her father’s choice, sharing that she was actually scared of acting at a young age and felt the role didn’t fit the movie‘s story. Ben further explained that his perfectionism and work obsession influenced his decisions.
Repeating the Past: Ben Acknowledges Making Similar Mistakes as His Parents
Ben recounts telling Quin about leaving to film Night at the Museum 3 in Canada for months and seeing his son’s disappointed reaction, who simply said,
“I wish you could stay home.”
Despite trying to remind Quin of his love for the movie, Ben knew it didn’t ease his son’s feelings. He admitted,
“The irony is I thought I was doing so much better than my parents. I thought I was pulling it off. I was flying home on weekends and finding special places for the kids to play when they would visit the set.”
But listening to his children, he realized they experienced similar emotions from his absences as he did from his own parents. Later in the documentary, Ben stresses to Quin,
“You always feel like growing up you’re not going to make the mistakes your parents made and then you make different mistakes, or some of the same mistakes.”
Impact of Public Life: Children Frustrated by Ben’s Fame
The film also explores how the public lives of Ben and his parents influenced their family dynamics. Ben recalls confronting his father Jerry as a child about feeling neglected due to his dad’s attention toward fans rather than his own family.
Ben described the moment:
“I remember one time we were on the street and I was literally talking to him about how I felt like he didn’t pay enough attention to us and a guy came up and was like, ‘Jerry I love your work!’”
Ben laughed as he added,
“And he started talking to him!”
Quin found the story amusing and shared a recent parallel involving Ben.
“We were out to dinner at a restaurant a few weeks ago, and I was stressed about college stuff and the people there wanted to get, like, a picture with you, and I was so frustrated,”
Quin said.
“Like, ‘The world just has to stop to get this picture!’ You know what I mean?”
Reflections on Fatherhood and Balancing Career
Stiller’s documentary underscores the difficulties of balancing a high-profile career with family responsibilities, revealing tensions and regrets that many working parents may relate to. His honest acknowledgment of his own struggles and the complicated relationships with his children highlight broader themes of generational challenges in parenthood.
By sharing these personal insights, Stiller invites conversations about the impact of parental choices on children, the hardships of maintaining family bonds amid career demands, and the ongoing effort to make amends and grow in fatherhood.
