On what would have been Carrie Fisher’s 69th birthday, Billie Lourd took a moment to remember her late mother, the iconic Star Wars actress who passed away in 2016 due to a heart attack. Lourd, now 33 and a mother herself, openly shared her mixed emotions as she reflected on Fisher’s life and legacy while grappling with feelings of anger and sadness.
A Difficult Conversation With Her Son About Carrie Fisher’s Death
During a recent conversation with her son, Kingston Fisher, 5, Lourd explained how she addressed his questions about how his grandmother died. She admitted to telling him that Fisher
“didn’t take care of her body,”
carefully balancing honesty without going into full detail. Lourd reassured him that he and his family now live in a different reality, one where death isn’t constant and looming as it had been for Fisher.
She expressed the emotional impact of this conversation, writing,
“The other night my son asked me how she died – I told him that she didn’t take care of her body – telling him the truth without telling him the whole truth. ‘Oh but I take care of my body!’ Yes I replied, ‘Yes you do! And I do too and daddy does too!’ Death isn’t looming at our doorsteps the way it always was for her. That’s a conversation for later years.”
Balancing Anger and Love for Her Mother
Billie Lourd shared the challenging feelings she has toward Fisher, admitting to anger as well as sadness and gratitude. She described the difficulty of feeling mad at someone who has passed away, and the complexity of her emotions.
“It’s weird being mad at a dead person because you don’t really have anywhere to put the emotion. But it’s still there and I’ve had to learn to allow myself to feel all the things – mad at her for not getting sober but also sad for her that she wasn’t able to get sober but also happy that she existed at all,”
Lourd said.
Despite these conflicted feelings, Lourd strives to find moments of happiness on her mother’s birthday, especially for the sake of her own children. She said,
“So I allowed myself to be mad for a moment but then realized I also do want her birthday to have some happy in it. Especially for my kids.”
Honoring Carrie Fisher’s Legacy Within Her Family
Since her marriage to Austen Rydell in 2022, Lourd has made efforts to keep the memory of Carrie Fisher alive within her family. She describes her mother as a “brilliant magical human” and wants her children to understand the kind of person Fisher was. As part of these remembrances, Lourd shares humorous anecdotes, watches her mother’s films, and enjoys Fisher’s favorite foods, saying,
“I’ll tell my kids funny stories about her, watch one of her movies, eat one of her favorite foods, have a Coke with a s— ton of ice.”
The Impact of Grief and the Passage of Time
Lourd also reflected on the premature loss of her mother, who died at the age of 60. She admitted to feeling secretly jealous whenever she meets older people, highlighting the sadness of losing someone so young. The actress described grief as an overwhelming mix of emotions, writing,
“Grief is a weird soup of feelings and there are a lot of ingredients in it that are hard to swallow, but ultimately I think the soup has made me healthier – more cognizant of how short life is and more appreciative of all the happy in my life.”
She added,
“And for that I am grateful – or griefull if you will.”
Sending Support to Others Experiencing Grief
In her message to those facing loss, Lourd acknowledged the complexities of mourning, offering empathy and solidarity.
“Sending my love to anyone out there having to eat the multifaceted soup that is grief. It’s not always the tastiest but it might make you a stronger healthier human? Happy birthday momby. I miss you and love you more than you could ever know,”
she wrote.
Annual Tributes to Carrie Fisher and Family Memories
Billie Lourd continues to honor her mother on significant dates, including Carrie Fisher’s birthday and Star Wars Day, celebrated on May 4. This year, she shared a tender photo of her children watching their grandmother portray Princess Leia, a treasured image that bridges generations and keeps Fisher’s spirit alive within the family.
